


Guys Try and Guess Each Other's Dick Sizes...

by punk_rock_yuppie



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Banter, Barebacking, Buzzfeed After Dark, M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 08:29:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15770376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punk_rock_yuppie/pseuds/punk_rock_yuppie
Summary: … By taking them up the ass.Featuring Ryan and Shane.





	Guys Try and Guess Each Other's Dick Sizes...

**Author's Note:**

> this idea struck me the other night and i wrote it in a sudden burst of inspo a few days later. this is just silly smut, but it was a lot of fun to write! 
> 
> big thanks to hannah for beta'ing, as always! 
> 
> enjoy!

Shane hums, bored.

“Really?” Ryan asks.

“You’re taking your sweet time,” Shane explains. “It’s lube, fingers, and my ass. How long can it take?”

Ryan slaps his ass lightly, and Shane inhales sharply. “You’re so fucking mouthy.”

Shane hides his grin against his arms. His knees are starting to hurt from being perched on the bed, and his elbows kind of ache. His back isn’t especially happy with the pose either, but his skin is hot and his cock is hard between his thighs. So, it’s worth it. Probably.

“Ready?” Ryan asks in a hushed voice.

“C’mon, Bergara, fucking give it to me already.”

He doesn’t miss Ryan’s faintly choked off groan at his words, and he can’t help his smirk. He shivers as Ryan’s fingertips skirt over his exposed hole, slick and soft. Ryan presses one finger into him slowly and carefully. Shane wants to goad him, tease him, but he shrugs off the urge. It feels good even if it’s not quite enough; Ryan is careful and attentive as he works his finger in and out of Shane.

Eventually, Shane rolls his hips back against Ryan’s finger in a silent plea for more.

“Yeah, okay,” Ryan says, returning with two fingers. It’s a slight stretch, a faint burn, and Shane lets out a sigh. “Good?”

“I’m partial to it, yeah,” Shane snarks.

Another slap to his ass, the other cheek, harder. “Jerk,” Ryan says fondly.

Shane wiggles his ass and clenches around Ryan’s fingers. “Not gonna break, little guy.”

Ryan pulls out slowly before slamming his fingers in and curving them just so. “Don’t call me that in bed, you asshole.”

“Yep,” Shane hums as pleasure starts to lick up his spine. “My asshole, indeed.”

Ryan snickers and falls forward to press his head against Shane’s back. It’s sweaty and warm and Shane arches his back and Ryan’s fingers sink deeper into him. “You fucking suck, so much.”

“And yet, you’re the one about to fuck my sweet ass. What does that say about you?”

Ryan nips at the knobs of his spine, and two fingers becomes three.

“How many do I need?” Shane asks, thoughtful if breathless. “You can’t be _that_ big.”

Ryan huffs behind him. “You don’t know that. That’s the whole point of this video.”

Shane does his best to shrug. “I mean, I’ve taken dicks up the ass before. I’ve also put my dick in some tight places. I don’t think— _oh_.”

Ryan’s three fingers curl again and graze his prostate. Shane rocks forward and away from the pleasure before swinging back to keep Ryan’s fingers inside him. He doesn’t have to look to know Ryan’s smirking as his fingers split Shane open. The thrusts are fast and relentless now, deep but still not quite enough. Shane could ride Ryan’s fingers to orgasm, though, and he almost wants to. He’s been hard for too long now and his thoughts are getting fuzzy.

Abruptly, Shane’s left empty and he moans without thinking. He moans _loud_ , some might even call it _wanton_.

Ryan laughs, but runs a soothing hand over Shane’s back. “I got you,” he says.

“Shut the fuck up,” Shane hisses as if he isn’t shaking with pleasure. His cock drools against his thigh and it’s sticky, wet, and Shane wants so desperately to touch himself. He can’t, not yet, and it’s kind of killing him.

“Gonna start now.”

“Well, I sure as fuck hope so,” Shane hisses.

The head of Ryan’s dick just barely skirts his stretched hole, and then again, and again, and again until Shane nearly whips around to tell Ryan just where he can shove his _stupid_ fucking cock—

And then Ryan is sinking in down to the hilt, and all the air is knocked out of Shane’s lungs. “Oh,” he moans as he falls forward. His arms give out from under him and he braces his shoulders on the bed. His arms are limp underneath him and he clenches his fists in the sheets. His face is pressed into the pillow and he can barely breathe; he gasps for air as Ryan stills inside him.

“So,” Ryan drawls. Shane’s at least a little gratified to hear the quiver in his voice. “What do you think?”

Shane closes his eyes and hums. “Ah,” he says. He rolls his hips and lets Ryan’s cock sink out of him a little bit before moving back and taking him in again. “Uhm.” Shane’s face is quickly burning up, and it’s a little hard to think with the head of Ryan’s prick rubbing against his sensitive insides. “This is hard.”

“I sure as fuck hope so,” Ryan mimics.

Shane wheezes against the pillow. “I deserved that,” he admits. He sluggishly manages to get his hands under him again and sits up. It gives him the leverage to fuck himself on Ryan’s cock; he does so slowly, thoughtfully. He takes in every sensation of Ryan inside him, licks his lips. “You know what?”

“What?” Ryan asks in a voice that sounds ready to fracture.

Shane smiles to himself. “I think this would be easier using mouths.” He clenches around Ryan as he pulls off, goes slack as he sinks back down.

“Oh, Jesus,” Ryan falls forward again and presses his face against Shane’s back. “Shane, fuck, c’mon.”

“I need to take my time,” Shane says, even though he’s ready to say fuck the video and just let his best friend fuck him within an inch of his life. “Give me a thrust.”

“What?”

“Give me a thrust. I need to get a feel for how you handle what you’re working with.”

A snort of laughter. Ryan’s hands on his hips. A slow drag out and a punishing thrust inside. Shane gasps as it feels like his breath is punched out of him yet again, and he nods nonsensically.

“Yeah, yeah, that helped,” he says.

“Good, I aim to please.” Ryan starts to thrust now, as if he can’t help himself. It’s all measured and even and Shane can still feel every inch of length and girth. “Any guesses?”

Shane’s arms are shaking again and he lowers himself carefully this time. His nipples scrape against the sheets and he lets out a pitchy moan. “Uh, maybe—maybe six inches? Six and a half.”

“And?” Ryan says. He presses in all the way. “What about girth?” One of his hands leaves Shane’s hip to trace where the rim of his asshole is stretched around Ryan’s cock.

“Hah,” Shane gasps. “Uh. Not as big as a Coke can,” Shane mutters. “I don’t even know how to measure girth. Do people do that?”

“I mean, probably.” Ryan thrusts again. “We’ll say you got it right. Six and a quarter inches.” There’s a pause, and Shane looks over his shoulder. He watches Ryan flex an arm and wink at the camera and smothers his laughter in the pillow. “Can I fuck you now?” Ryan asks. His returns both hands to Shane’s hips and squeezes.

_“Please.”_

Ryan immediately starts to thrust hard and fast. The bed squeaks underneath them and Shane bites into the pillow to muffle his shouting. Regardless of Ryan’s length, he clearly knows how to use it and Shane’s brain is foggy as a result. He’s drooling all over the pillow, it’s so gross, but he can’t stop himself.

“Want you to come first, Shane.” Ryan’s hand slides seamlessly from his hip to the base of his dick. He squeezes once before starting to stroke. His hand is still sticky with lube and he smears Shane’s precome over his palm to help.

“Not gonna be a problem,” Shane chokes out. He fucks into the tight hole of Ryan’s fist, and Ryan fucks into him at the same rhythm. Shane moans low and wordless and his whole body gives out as he comes. He’s only held up by the hand Ryan still has on his left hip; his come spills onto the sheets and the scent of sex in the air grows even heavier.

“Fuck, Shane, you’re so—!”

Shane doesn’t know what he is. He’s too sated to care, even as Ryan nips at his back and even as come fills him in pulsing, deep spurts. He sighs almost dreamily at the sensation, feeling light and comfortable. Ryan soothes the bite marks across his back with sweet kisses before eventually pulling out.

“So,” Ryan says, panting. He’s clearly talking to the camera now and Shane is content to stay right where he is. “Shane got it pretty much right. I’m definitely not as wide as a soda can, and he was in the right range for length. So, uh, success!”

Shane laughs against the pillow. He raises his hand and swivels a finger akin to waving a flag. “Success,” he mumbles agreeably.

Ryan snickers. “Let’s get you cleaned up, big guy.”

Shane hums, now the furthest thing from bored.


End file.
